


another promise, another seed

by twelvetrop



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Found Family, Friendship, M/M, Other, PTSD, finn is just trying to live, it's sort of a hopeful tone, like star wars as a whole, they get together at the end kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-01-21
Packaged: 2021-02-19 08:01:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22341010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twelvetrop/pseuds/twelvetrop
Summary: Finn is tired of waiting around - the jungles of Ajan Kloss are beautiful, but not exactly the best scenery when the First Order is going around, making chaos.But maybe, with the help of his friends, he'll be able to overcome all his crippling insecurities, and become a better person.---Set between The Last Jedi and The Rise of Skywalker.
Relationships: Finn & Rey (Star Wars), Finn & Rose Tico, Poe Dameron/Finn
Comments: 1
Kudos: 30





	another promise, another seed

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Muse's "Uprising"

Finn was beyond anxious. He thought he was borderline hysterical, but he didn’t know if he was there yet.

The jungle of Ajan Kloss did nothing to calm his nerves, in fact, it exasperated them. It was a beautiful place, filled with natural beauty that he’d never seen before, something so different from Takodana, and _definitely_ different from the sterile ships of the First Order. The peace of it all drove Finn _insane._

He needed to do something. He was tired of hearing reports throughout the galaxy of people suffering because of the Supreme Leader. Because Kylo Ren was it now, according to Rey. He’d killed of Snoke, leaving him in charge of the entirety of the First Order.

At first, Finn had felt slightly betrayed by her. After hearing that she had tried reaching out to him, to his good side, he couldn’t help but yell:

“There’s no good in him. If there ever was a spark of light in him, it’s gone.”

“No one’s ever really gone.” She’d replied.

“Tell that to the scars on my back.” He’d said, bitterly.

Rey had avoided him for a while after that, and he understood, because he avoided her too. Who could even think Kylo Ren was capable of good deeds? Finn saw the act of killing his master as the final pathway to the dark side, something Rey mumbled sometimes when she discussed the old Jedi texts.

After a few weeks of not talking, she finally snapped at Finn, which broke him out of his anger-filled daze. Rose was still recuperating in medical care, because the machines they had weren’t as good as healing her as they had healed Finn’s spine. It was when Poe and Finn were talking with her, that Rey decided to pay a visit.

Immediately, the air grew tense, Finn not looking at her, Rey simply making small chat with Rose. She didn’t know what was going on, and when she looked at Poe (who stood next to Finn, though didn’t really approve of what he was doing), he just solemnly shook his head.

That was when Rey blew up at him.

“You know what, Finn? I thought I had a chance. I was so lonely back in Ahch-To, and all I wanted to do was speak with you. And all Luke ever offered me was advice… advice that shattered all my notions on what I believed in.”

“That’s not an excuse.” Finn said, but she wasn’t done.

“Yeah, I know it’s not an excuse. I know I was stupid to reach out to him, but he was the only person I talked to frequently that didn’t seem to want to shatter all my beliefs! I was vulnerable, and he took advantage of it. You know what he did?”

Poe tried to intervene, but she slapped his hand down. Rose looked at them in disbelief. “He offered me his hand. He offered me a place next to him. And I was so tempted… until I thought of you. I thought of you, and everyone that I cared about and I realised that I was being a fool. So yeah, criticise me all you want. I can’t take this. I can’t talk to you when you’re being as hard-headed as Be-” She took a deep breath. “As Kylo Ren.”

That was when Finn stood up. “You did not just compare me to him.”

“I did!” She shouted. “I did! You’re being just as-”

“Just as what? As ruthless? As cruel? As insane? I’m not the one out there being violent, committing crime after crime, only thinking about myself.”

“Guys, guys…” Poe started, but the death stare Finn gave him shut him up.

“While I was trying to save the spark, you” Finn pointed a finger at her. “were playing light show with the enemy. How am I supposed to get over that?”

“I learned what I did was wrong! And I did try to reach out to him, and so did Luke, and both of us failed. But there’s always a chance of redemption, don’t you think? Darth Vader managed to save the galaxy from the Emperor, why couldn’t I hope the same from someone like him?”

“Maybe because he’s a monster. Maybe be-”

“That’s _enough!”_ Poe yelled. All three people flinched. “Finn, buddy, I get where you’re coming from, but you _have_ to understand Rey’s side here. At least she _tried_ to bring him back. Like Luke said to Leia: ‘No one’s ever really gone’. Rey and Luke tried to persuade him, and bring him back, but they failed. You don’t have to be angry at Rey because of this.” He turned to face Rey. “And Rey, everyone thanks you for being so kind, but try to explain yourself better next time. I don’t know if that’s the scavenger brain talking, but you gotta make yourself clear.”

Finn and Rey stared at him, then at each other.

“I’m sorry. I guess… I never really understood your side.” Finn said.

“And I’m sorry… I always wanted to talk to you about this, but I never saw it as the right time.” Rey replied.

They hugged each other and, like magic, they were well again. Poe left Finn’s side to sit next to Rose’s bed, making space for Rey to be next to him. The four talked about the goings of the Resistance base, filling in Rose on where they were. Rey and Finn left together, and she showed him some of her new Jedi tricks she had learned. He couldn’t help but be impressed, and he decided that he’d never get into a fight that big with Rey again.

+++

As more time passed, Finn found himself forgetting to cut his hair. He looked at himself in the mirror one morning, machine buzzing in his hand, when it came to him… He was acting on instinct.

That was the first time he had a panic attack. He didn’t know he wasn’t capable of breathing, until he fell to the floor, feeling air go through his nostrils, but not feeling any reach his lungs. He kept trying to breathe for a few minutes, and only managed to do it after focusing all his attention on the sound of the buzz that was coming from the shaver. He managed to calm himself down, but ran as fast as he could to the medical bay. They explained to him that he had a ‘panic attack’, probably related to his conditioning to the First Order.

Rose was the first one to know about it. She happened to be strolling by, talking to some of the people in the area (as she had gotten to know quite a few of them while she was stuck there), when she spotted him sitting on one of the empty crates that they had as makeshift chairs.

“Hey, Finn!” She said, chirpily, before looking at his grave expression. Her face dropped, and she sat down beside him. “Are you okay?”

“Not really.” He admitted. “Apparently I just had a panic attack? That’s what they said, anyway.”

Rose looked at him, eyes filled with worry. “Do you want to talk about it?”

He shook his head but talked anyway. “I was just… looking at myself in the mirror. My hair was so long and as when I went to try and cut it…” he rubbed his fingers on the tiny curls that they were making. “I just couldn’t breathe anymore. It was like my body was shutting down.”

She rubbed his shoulders and nodded while he was talking. “Yeah. I… What did the medics say?”

“They said it was remnants of my First Order conditioning.” Finn shook his head again. “That doesn’t make any sense. After Canto Bight – after DJ – I thought I was done with being a stormtrooper. For good.”

Rose paused for a second. “Things don’t change that easily, Finn. I mean, it took you, what? Nearly a full day to understand that running from the First Order wasn’t the way to go? All thanks to me, might I add.” She pointed to herself with her thumbs.

This made Finn smirk, and she continued. “You’re not getting rid of things that easily. Besides, if you want to look at yourself in a different way… Think of it as an act of rebellion. You’re growing hair against procedures.”

Finn chuckled. “Phasma would kill me if I had it this long.”

“Good thing she’s not around anymore, then.”

They laughed and left the medical bay, but Finn made Rose promise that she wouldn’t tell anyone about what happened. She crossed her heart, and they went their separate ways after that.

+++

More time passed, and people started noticing that he wasn’t cutting his hair. Poe was the first one to notice, complimenting him during a lunch break. Rey and Rose were there too, but they were talking about something else and were too absorbed to even notice their conversation.

“Your hair looks different, man.”

Instinctively, Finn reached for it. “Is it bad?”

Poe laughed. “No, no. It looks good on you. It fits you.”

Finn reminisced, and thought aloud. “Almost feels like we’re back in D’Qar, huh?”

“That seems like it was so long ago.” Poe added, resting his head on his hand. “I still remember how happy I was when I saw that you were alive.”

Finn felt his ears heat up but ignored the feeling. “Same here. Things are so different now, though.”

“Well, some things are the same.” He grinned. “You’re still wearing my jacket.”

“Yeah, I don’t know why I haven’t throwed this in the trash already. It’s musty and honestly? Kind of ugly.” Finn smirked.

“Hey!” Poe complained. “You want me to talk about your hair like that?”

Poe laughed at his own joke, and Finn wanted to laugh along, but something about it made him not able to breathe.

 _Oh God._ He thought. _Oh no. I’m having another one of those. What were they called?_

Poe stopped laughing when he saw that he hadn’t moved in a while. “Buddy, hey, I didn’t mean it-”

With all the strength he had left, Finn shook his hand and managed to reply. “Yeah, I just don’t feel that good. I’ll be back in a second.”

He walked away from the mess hall, making his way towards the bathroom. He was pretty sure he had heard Poe asking if he was okay, but it felt so far away that Finn just ignored it. He made his way towards the bathroom, trying to think of the name of the thing that was happening to him. If only he could remember the name, maybe he could stop it from happening.

Again, the feeling of not being able to breathe overwhelmed him, and he ducked inside a supply closet, closing the door behind him before falling to the floor. He heaved for what felt like hours, when really it must’ve been seconds, trying to get air back into his lungs. Finn managed to put his head against a wall, feeling the cool of it going through his skin, almost grounding him to reality. Almost.

_What is this called? It was… two words. Two words, two words…_

His mind kept rambling, going in circles trying to find the name, all the while he tried to breathe normally. He had the vague sense that, outside the tiny supply closet, someone was calling for him, but he couldn’t really say anything back. He was too busy trying to focus on breathing.

_Was this about the hair? Think of what Rose said: it’s a rebellious act against the First Order. They can’t get you now, not here, you’re safe, you’re fine…_

But he doubted himself. He did, he really did. He didn’t know if he would ever _be_ safe if the First Order was ever around.

 _“Traitor!”_ He heard Kylo Ren scream from the tiny window in the supply closet, and pain flared up his back. Pain that wasn’t supposed to be there, because his spine was fine, he wasn’t back in Starkiller base, he was in Ajan Kloss. He spotted a few green trees moving with the wind, and that managed to draw those thoughts away.

 _“You were always scum.”_ Phasma’s voice came from the pit she fell in. He stared ahead, at a corner hidden by the light, covered in shadow. There was something there… were those _flames?_ Was he back in the _Supremacy,_ surrounded by them?

The door to the supply closet opened, and someone yelled.

“He’s here!” He heard them say, before approaching him. “Hey, buddy, I’m here. Listen to my voice.”

He was trying really hard to. The voice kept going. “Buddy, think of where you are. Do you see the trees outside? Feel the wall on your back? The shelves next to your feet?”

Finn looked at the window, seeing the trees sway again. He felt the coolness of the wall against his back, against Poe’s jacket that was now his. And Poe, Poe, of course it was Poe, that was talking to him, it was always Poe.

He grabbed onto him, hugging him tightly, like he was his lifeline.

"I thought I was… I thought I was…” Finn tried saying but choked on the stream of tears that were falling from his face.

“It doesn’t matter where you were, buddy.” Poe said, returning the hug with the same ferocity. “You’re here now. With me.” He paused. “With us.”

He looked up and saw Rey and Rose, looking down at him with worry. He sobbed and kept hugging Poe for dear life. Not once did he show discomfort by the way he was grabbing him and, soon enough, both Rey and Rose joined him. One of his hands went to Rey, and the other to Rose, but he kept himself tied around the pilot while he was crying.

They four were in a hug for a long time, until Finn stopped sobbing and there was nothing left to do but hear everyone’s breathing.

“I’m sorry.” He said, relaxing his grip on Poe. “I’m sorry.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry about, Finn.” Poe said against his back.

“We’re here for you.” Rey said.

“Until the end of the line.” Rose added.

After they untangled from each other, they returned to the mess hall, which was basically empty, apart from a few people that mingled. Poe and Rey sat Finn down, while Rose went to bring some water. He drank it, thankful for what they were doing.

“I’m fine now.” Finn said. “Thank you.”

Rey sat next to him and grabbed his hand, which was resting on the table. She squeezed it, and he squeezed it back. Poe sat in front of him, and Rose in front of her.

“You have to let us know when this happens, Finn.” Rey said. “You’re not alone in this, okay?”

“Since this started, you were never alone.” Poe added. “We’re not getting rid of you that easily.”

Finn chuckled, and let go of Rey’s hand. “I know… I know.”

Rose raised her voice. “I’m opening a secret frequency to just the four of us. That way, if anything happens, you can contact us easily, alright?”

Poe raised his eyebrows. “Can you do that?”

“Are you doubting my skills?”

He smirked. “That’s not what I was asking. You know, as Leia’s apprentice…”

Everyone at the table groaned.

“What?” Poe exclaimed.

As the conversation turned more cheerful, Finn couldn’t help but think of Rose’s words. They haunted him that night.

_Until the end of the line._

+++

His hair stopped bothering him. Nothing happened anymore when he looked at himself in the mirror, not even the tiny shock he used to have every morning. He told his friends this, and he couldn’t help but see Poe pay more attention to his words than anyone else.

Rey was still the best friend anyone could ask for but… well, she was a Jedi. Finn would never understand that, even though sometimes he woke up in the middle of the night with the echoes of _something_ in his head. He thought about talking to her about it, but decided against it at the last minute. She was burdened enough, between training every day and reading the old Jedi textbooks.

Rose became more and more busy as time went on, Leia realising her full potential and giving her more responsibilities. So, he resorted to Poe. He never told him about his suspicions (that he was either insane or sensing _something_ going on with the Force), but gave him an overall vibe of his feelings. He listened, intently, and always waited until his ramblings were over to discuss things with him. He was patient, kind and caring. Everything Finn didn’t know he needed.

This was when he began to grow more anxious. He wasn’t sent on missions, since the last time he went without Poe or Rose, the crew had almost gotten all killed because… well, there wasn’t any synergy between them. Finn wanted to connect with everyone, he really did, but that mission turned out to be such a failure that he put himself on hold indefinitely, refusing to leave the planet. Often, he practiced on getting rid of his First Order habits. The hair was one of them, shooting his blaster with both hands on the gun was another. He spent a lot of time in the training range, getting used to one hand only combat.

Poe stopped being available as much as he could, stuck in war meetings and then private sessions with Leia. So, after a few months, Finn dropped all excuses he had and started volunteering himself to be on missions. After all that time de-conditioning himself, he found that they went a lot more smoothly. He started with reconnaissance, but soon moved up to the defence of Resistance allies. He didn’t exactly like the battlefield, but he was good at what he was doing.

He changed his regular outfit. He only wore Poe’s (his) jacket on occasion, opting for a simpler vest and shirt combo, with a commlink permanently on his arm. Sometimes, in the middle of the night, when he couldn’t sleep, he’d open up the secret frequency Rose had installed, speaking to anyone who was available. Often, it was Poe, tired beyond belief but still wanting to talk to Finn. Sometimes, it was Rey, and he asked her how her training was going. He’d usually get a vague reply and they’d laugh, Rey mentioning some crazy old Jedi law that would make Finn gasp. Rose was an even rarer occasion than either of them, but he was always glad to talk to her.

One time, all four of them managed to get on commlink at the same time, and it was a fun night. They all sneaked out of their dorms and made a small campfire near the base. They talked like the times where Rose was stuck in the medical bay, and it all felt so cosy to him. They ate some random sweets that Poe loved in Yavin IV, roasted by the fire. Finn sat next to him, looking at the three of them and wondering if he had finally, _finally_ , found his family.

Maybe he had, maybe he hadn’t. But he loved what he had.

+++

A month after the campfire night (where they were almost shot at by people who were on watch, but managed to explain themselves to them. Leia then gave them all a sermon on avoiding late night adventures, but winked at the end, showing how she supported their misadventures), Poe and Finn went out on their first mission together. Leia thought he was ready to get back on the field, and he pulled Finn aside after lunch.

“So, I’m going on a mission tomorrow.”

Finn beamed. “Really! Oh, I bet BB-8 misses flying with you.”

“Yeah, I know, I miss flying with him too. He’s been grounded for so long, I’m afraid he won’t be able to be lifted into the droid port of the jet fighter.” Finn laughed, but Poe kept going. “So anyway, I want you to come with me. It’s supposed to be a solo mission, but I think I need another person with me, and Leia agreed, as long as I brought you along.”

Finn raised his eyebrows. “Me?”

“Yeah. She said you were a valuable asset to us, and not just because of Starkiller base.”

“Great. An asset.” Poe stared him down. “Yeah, I know, don’t start. I know she knows everyone’s a person.”

“Good. She’s drilled that into me so many times over the last couple of months that whenever she complains about something, I just mouth it back to her.” Poe sighed.

“Did she slap you because of that?” Finn asked.

He smirked. “Not yet.”

“Oh well, it’s a matter of time.”

Poe punched him lightly on the shoulder, and Finn smiled. After eating, they left Rey and Rose, so Poe could debrief him on the mission. It wasn’t going to be an easy, since they were headed straight to First Order territory, but there was important information to be retrieved from there.

So, off they went, stealing the Millenium Falcon and dragging Chewie along on their one-man-that-turned-into-two-people-plus-wookie mission, where they managed to get by the skin of their teeth – Finn was pretty sure Poe managed to break something, because when they returned, Rey complained with him about the state of the ship. He didn’t really listen to their pilot mumbo-jumbo, but he smiled when he saw them bickering like that.

“What are you smiling at?” Poe asked, after Rey went inside the ship with Chewie to repair it. Smoke could be seen erupting from several spots.

“You bickering with Rey.”

“I wasn’t _bickering_. I was discussing. It’s different.”

“Did Leia tell you that?”

Poe punched his shoulder again and Finn laughed, while something was stirring in his stomach.

They went back to Leia, reporting their findings to her. She heard intently and said that she’d be in touch with them soon, probably with another mission.

After that, Poe and Finn barely stepped foot in the jungles of Ajan Kloss. One time, they had a weeklong surveillance duty that ended with a firefight so hard that Poe nearly didn’t manage to get them out. Only after light speed skipping a few times did he manage to evade the Star Destroyers that pursued them, which turned the Millenium Falcon into a burning mess. Rey complained, again, and Finn ignored all their talk and just hugged her when he saw her, glad to be able to see her.

Finn got a lot closer to Poe. They used Rose’s secret frequency every night, not caring if any of the other two were listening. Sometimes, one would sneak into the other’s dorm, and they’d talk until they fell asleep, waking up tangled in each other. All the times that this happened, Finn felt his stomach stir and, when he would wake up before Poe (which happened most times), he’d just relish the feeling of his arms draped around him.

Rey caught on to this and Finn didn’t even try to lie: he had fallen for Poe. He wasn’t sure when it had happened, but she pointed out that it was a gradual thing. One time, after a war meeting, Finn caught her reading the Jedi books on her private corner, and went to her. They had a long talk, her about her insecurities about being a Jedi, and him about… well, everything.

The climax of all these feelings came after Poe went on a solo mission (this time it really was only him) and he only returned after a full two days. Finn damn nearly lost his mind, with Rey and, eventually, Rose calming him down on the second day. He spent the evening in his room (which he had the passcode to, after sneaking out to spend the night there so many times), looking at Poe’s things. He had his jacket on, the first possession that he had that wasn’t stormtrooper armour, and when Poe came back to his room, somehow limping, he came up to him and stopped just in front of him.

“Hey.” Finn started.

“Hey.” Poe finished.

“Are you alright?”

“I’m fine.” He waved him off, and made his way to the bed, sitting on it.

“Poe.” He crouched down next to him. “You don’t have to lie to me. You know that, right?”

Poe looked at him. “Yeah, I know. Still… I have to be strong, if I’m to fill Leia’s steps.”

“You don’t have to fill Leia’s steps, Poe. Be yourself, and things will turn out fine.”

“How are you so sure about that?” He looked almost broken, and Finn was nearly shocked. He had never seen him like this. “I feel like I keep making the same dumb mistakes.”

“Just the fact that you’re aware of them is a big step.” Finn grabbed his hands, which were sitting on his lap. “I trust you. You’ve never let me down.”

“What if I do?”

“Then we’ll start over. Taking every chance we get until we either win…”

“…Or all the chances are spent.” Poe took a deep breath. “Okay. Okay, I’m fine.” Finn raised his eyebrows. “I am, I really am! Your pep talk helped.”

Finn laughed, Poe joining him soon after. Before they knew it, however, they were kissing, a kiss that was meant for maybe some other, appropriate time, but Finn felt it was right.

+++

The day after they kissed, Poe and Finn were standing across each other in the mess hall, as usual. Rey had gone to do some more reading, and Rose had to leave to take care of something that Finn didn’t really understand.

So, they were there, in front of each other, not wanting to talk about the fact that they had just admitted their feelings for each other. Sealed the deal, as they say.

“I don’t want to…” Poe took a deep breath. “I don’t want to mess this up. I really, _really,_ like you, but if you don’t want anything to do with me, I understand-”

“Poe, I like you too.” Finn interrupted him before he’d say something stupid. “Like, really, _really,_ like you too. _I’m_ the one who doesn’t want to mess this up.”

“Okay, let’s make a deal.” Poe said. “We discuss this after the war is over. We’re winning this, and we’re doing something with ourselves after defeating Kylo Ren and the First Order.”

“And if we don’t?”

“Then one last kiss goodbye will have to do the trick.”

Finn thought for a while, before nodding. “So be it.”

“We have a war to win, Finn.” They stood up, and Poe grabbed onto his waist.

“Let’s get these bastards.” And Finn grabbed onto his.

The next mission awaited them.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed this! I tried to make this as more of a transitional journey for Finn than anything else - plus explore a few parts of him that I think could've been explored. I love him very much!!!! He's the best Finn is the love of my life
> 
> Kudos and comments appreciated


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